Next month I’m going monk mode, deleting all the unnecessary social media apps on my phone and starting a new routine at the gym and get back on my diet, also cleansing myself from porn. I’m tired of living like this
I’ve feeling like a dead man for months now, feels absolutely horrible, my heart literally hurts everyday
i think my subhumanity will kill me soon, I wish I was lucky and privileged but I rolled the dice on having shit genes.
I hate waking up.
Everytime I get a deep pain in my chest I’m hoping it’s my heart finally deciding to give up.
What the fuck do I have to live for now
If I wasn’t such a pussy I would have been off myself by now, I’m just a piece of shit who doesn’t deserve anything good in life. And it’s all my fault because I’m nothing but a fuck up but what else is new I hate everything as much as I hate myself so why even bother. Maybe one day I’ll have the courage to just do it but idk I’ll probably fuck it up and make myself a vegetable retard as much of a retarded shitskin as I am now. I don’t deserve to live. I don’t deserve this life and it was wasted on me. I wish I could just get it over with but hopefully one day I’ll just not exist anymore and it will be for the better. Nobody would even notice or care
Every couple of weeks I get suicidal. I start the night not wanting to wake up from bed and thinking about ending my life, and how there’s no reason for me to continue on living. It’s just work, home, sleep. A slave’s life basically. I think about leaving everything behind. No friends, no family, no gf, no sex, no love. so what’s even the point. This life is a joke. I’d like to think i’m depressed but this is normal, why would anyone want to live like this? No meds or therapy would help. it’s just all cope.
Guess all I’ll ever be is a loser and I’m okay with that.
ever since I was an adult out on my own,I’ve lived in apartments or townhomes so finally being able to move to an actual house is pretty liberating and exciting
Coming to the realization that some days you can’t keep your head up, you can’t always win and you it’s okay to give up. It’s okay to accept defeat and not to continue in the face of adversity. It’s okay to rot sometimes, why continue to fight a losing battle, a battle you make never win.
This is the most I’ve been happy all year, I know it’s been a tough year but it’s almost over and knowing I’m supported and loved makes it all better 🥰
why am I the worst person